Hello Guys, in this article we will have long discussion about Relationship. Today in this article, I am giving you 10 tips about a relationship so that your relationship will never get a problem in the future. The relationship should be maintained with a mutual understanding of each other. Here are the best 10 tips for a healthy relationship.
10 Tips for Healthy Relationship
Write it down.
This might sound crazy,
but before you'll find the partner of your dreams, you would like to define
what that partner is. By this, I mean a comprehensive description of the traits
you would like them to possess, the fundamentals of appearance, kinds of interests,
hobbies, etc.
It’s known the incontrovertible fact that to realize your goals, you initially got to define
them clearly and write them down. Goal setting coaches have been saying this
for 50+ years. So, why should it's any different when it involves finding your
dream partner.
As to why you should
write down the details - simple really. It helps you focus on what you are
looking for, and whenever you encounter a prospective partner, but you’re just
not 100% sure about whether they are right for you or not, you just grab your
“list” and see where they match up and where they don’t.
Be realistic.
This one is perhaps one
of the toughest ones to deal with when looking for a dream partner. We all have
these preconceptions of what reasonably partner we might like (ie. rich, film
star attractive, no baggage, etc), but we even have to stay in mind 2 things.
Firstly, no one is
perfect. Absolutely no one! So, if your expectations are that your partner is
going to be perfect, then you would possibly also quit looking now because
you're only getting to find yourself being disappointed. On the other side,
someone might be perfect for you - and there’s an enormous difference between
the 2.
The second thing to stay
in mind is that simply because you've got met someone perfect for you, doesn't
mean to mention they think you're perfect for them!
You’ll even have to take
care of this issue, and quickly, because otherwise, things are reaching to get
nasty real quick.
For example (extreme
example, admittedly), let’s say you are a 62-year-old person who is unhealthy,
unfit, a smoker, heavy drinker & are financially not well off. Now, you
might WISH to land yourself a gorgeous 22-year-old hottie that will fulfill all
your fantasies, but let’s be honest. The chances of that happening are extraordinarily
low to non-existent. You just are not a good fit for the hottie, so you need to
be (somewhat) realistic.
Have a Positive
expectation.
After point number 2 (be
realistic), you might have just decided to give up and never try again. Well,
that leads us on to #3, which is that you also have to be positive about
finding someone.
If you're out there “on
the market” long enough, and actively looking (rather than staying home and
watching TV and expecting your perfect match to steer in off the road and play
your door), you'll eventually meet some great people, a number of whom are
going to be good possibilities.
In my case, after my
separation (and subsequent divorce) in 2002, I started back on the dating scene
eventually but didn’t have much luck for at least 6 months. Every time I met
someone, it didn’t seem to travel well, and that I nearly gave up so again
and again.
However, over time, I did manage to meet some nice ladies, and
eventually (about 2 years down the track), I met someone wonderful, we eventually
fell in love. She was a new person who just happened to be right for me, and it
would never have happened if I had given up after the first disastrous couple
of dates.
There’s a classic cliche
that is so true, that it bears repeating here:
You get what you expect!
In other words, if you
expect to fulfill the partner of your dreams and develop an excellent
relationship with them, then that’s what is going to eventually happen. On the
other hand, if you don’t expect to meet your dream partner and end up together,
then that’s what will happen. It’s your choice - which is fabulous news IF you
understood what I just said.
Clean Up Your Act.
In order for you to be
the person that your dream partner is looking for, you first need to be the
best you that you can be.
Tips to find the
partners of your dreams:
This means that you simply
might get to do some work on yourself. Are you as fit, healthy & look the
best you can? If not, then are you prepared to work on it? Do you dress nicely,
and make sure your hair looks good, your teeth are cleaned and even gargle with
mouthwash - ’cause nobody wants to date halitosis-breath!) ;-)
No one is perfect
physically. Heck, I should know. I’m overweight and could certainly stand to
lose quite a few pounds/kilos, but, when I’m out there dating, I dress neatly,
always shower, shave, do my teeth & even splash on a small amount of
quality cologne (my poison of choice is Ralph Lauren’s, Romance Silver) :),
just to make sure I present myself in the best possible light.
Nothing turns off a
potential partner quite like you turning up looking scruffy, wearing un-ironed
clothes, and not having made an effort. You don’t need to go out and buy lots
of expensive clothes to do this either. I shop at KMart or Target for most of
my clothes (I’m not a name-brand clothes shopper), and they ain’t fancy…BUT the
prices are good and the clothes are usually nice. If you’ve got no fashion
sense, bribe a friend who has, to come with you and help you choose one or two
nice outfits.
Get Out There and
Meet People.
The most amusing thing I
have noticed about people wanting to find a partner, but who haven’t is that
they usually stay home and never go out to meet new people. Your dream date
ain't gonna come knocking on your door one evening and beg you to come out on a
date with them, so get up from the sofa, clean yourself up and leave and meet new people.
Where and how is really
up to your own personal preference. Myself - I hate pubs and clubs, so I would
never believe those venues as a way of meeting a possible partner. On the other
hand, perhaps you like those kinds of places. If so, great! Just be sure you go
to a place that is likely to attract the kind of people you want to meet.
If you’re a lady looking
for an educated intellectual kind of guy (like one friend of mine), then you
probably won’t meet him at a rough pub where the blue-collar workers hang out
all evening drinking & smoking themselves silly. Go to an upmarket place
that will attract the kind of person/s you want to meet.
My personal favorite is
online (or Internet) dating. I have done nearly all my dating via this medium
within the last 3 years, and with several exceptions, I even have found it to
be an excellent solution to meet women without having to try to to the pub/club
crawl.
Join a group, take up a
sport or a hobby where you'll meet prospective partners. Get into a book club,
or photography, or whatever. There are so many choices to pick from - you’re
bound to find one option that appeals to you.
If you don’t get out
there to meet new people, you’ll never meet the partner of your dreams, so go
out there now, and remember to have fun, whatever you choose to do.
Understand The
Dynamics of The First date.
Most of the mistakes are
made on the first date, which usually means there isn’t a 2nd date!
Here’s a few I have
made, or learned about the hard way:
Remember the K.I.S.S.
principle (Keep it Simple Stupid). Make the first date something simple, like
meeting for a coffee for 1 hour. That way, if they turn out to be the date from
hell (or they think you are!), then either of you can do a runner quickly,
without being locked into something drastic.
Guys, it may be an
old-world gentlemanly tradition, but resist the temptation to take a lady out
to a fancy restaurant and buy her expensive flowers/gifts on the first date.
K.I.S.S. - Trust me on this one.
Ladies, if a guy is a
gentleman and doesn’t follow my instructions :) then at least have the good
manners to thank him for a lovely night, and for paying for the meal, etc. I’m
consistently amazed at how often that does not happen. It doesn’t matter
whether you want to see him or not - just show some manners. Actually, this
equally applies to guys who are gone on date with their partner.
Never, under any
circumstances, have sex on the first date (men or women)! Trust me when I say
that if a serious relationship with the partner of your dreams is your chief
goal, then leave the sex until a little later. Don’t let lust cloud your
judgment, because it only ever leads to grief. A kiss goodbye is fine though…
Understand that the true objective of the first “date” is not to meet the partner of your dreams, but to
decide if you like this person enough (and they feel the same about you) to
meet again for a 2nd date. Keep things fun and casual - enjoy yourself, because
even though you don’t fall loving, you'll make a brand new best friend!
You don’t fall in love
on the first date, no matter how stunningly attractive your date is! And, if
you do think you have fallen in love on the first date, it’s actually lust. A
complex series of chemical reactions and mental/emotional connections is what
causes you to THINK you're enamored. Trust me when I tell you it does not love.
Love takes time to develop and is totally worth the time and effort.
SWSWSW Next!
Bet you’re wondering
what the heck this means?!?!?! :-)
It’s the attitude you
would like to stay foremost in your mind once you start dating because I can guarantee you're getting to hit some snags along the journey. And, when you hit
those snags (and I could, and probably will one day, write a book about the
snags I hit over the years), then you need something aside from pure willpower
to keep you going.
What does SWSWSW
actually mean? Simply, it means some of the prospective partners you meet will
be good candidates and hopefully even turn into the partner of your dreams, and
others won’t! The key is, when they are a no, you have to take the attitude of
“So What!”, and move onto the next prospective candidate (Next!).
My favorite saying to
myself and my friends when they have been out there dating is: “You only need
to meet one right person! All the rest don’t matter…”
If that’s the case, then you
should keep in mind that some of the people you chat with, an email with, or even
meet for a date, will turn out to be NOT RIGHT FOR YOU! Pick yourself up off
the floor, dust yourself down, and move on to the next one. At the end of the
day, it’s the only way to keep sane when things seem like they are going
downhill faster than an anvil falling from 20,000 ft!
It’s the only thing that
kept my friend going when the guy she started dating turned out to be gay!
Remember, you'll get
over it, so just keep it up keeping on, and remember SWSWSW Next!, and you’ll
be a relationship winner in time.
Do’s and Dont’s of
Winning That Someone Special.
This topic by itself
could take up a 20 chapter book and still probably require more content, but we
don’t have that much space, so here are some killers I can personally vouch for.
Be honest. Nothing gets
a prospective partner annoyed with you faster than dishonesty. Don’t tell them
over the phone that you are 30, fit & athletic and good looking if you are
43, out of shape and definitely not attractive. Likewise, don’t tell them you
are a non-smoker if you do smoke, etc.
Don’t be desperate.
There is always another person for you to fulfill. Always someone who might be
nearly as good a partner because the one you're finding out now. So, don’t gush
everywhere them on day 1, and tell them you're keen on them on day 2, or ask
them once they would really like to meet your family and friends on day 3. 1
step at a time, tiger… Nothing puts a prospective pair like desperation - it’s
about as sexy as hemorrhoids :-)
Don’t spend all the time
talking about yourself. Ask them questions on themselves and hear their
answers. People like people who want to know about them, as opposed to telling
someone all about themselves. Don’t be so self-indulgent that you dominate the conversation with your self-centered anecdotes, because all you’ll do is show yourself
to be egotistical and/or having a really poor self-image. Neither trait is
attractive. Learn About Yourself And
What Makes Relationships Work.
I will make you a
promise right here and now, even though I don’t know you, and I guarantee you
that I will be 100% correct every time!
That promise is this:
Most of the problems you have in any relationship will be because of hidden
baggage in your head and/or your partner’s head… and, the only way to deal with
this problem is to communicate openly (see the next point) and associate
each other deals with these problems.
The worst part of this
is often that sometimes you or your partner won't be fully conscious of these
hidden “relationship landmines”, but you'll keep stepping on each other’s mines
overtime, and if there’s one thing that’s bound to destroy a relationship,
it’s fighting and dissatisfaction with one another, which is that the typical outcome of exploding relationship landmines.
In my opinion, one of
the very best books you could ever buy and read on this subject, as a way to
help you understand what makes you and your partner tick is: “Keeping The Love
You Find - A Single Person’s Guide To Achieving Lasting Love” by Dr. Harville
Hendrix. This book was a lifesaver for me when my above-mentioned relationship
broke up. It helped me understand WHY this happened and what I brought to the relationship that helped cause it, and what my then-partner brought to it that
also caused it to collapse.
Dr. Hendrix has also
written a similar book for Couples. I haven’t read that yet, but if it’s half
as good as this one was, I recommend all couples buy it and read it together.
No, I don’t know Dr
Hendrix, but what I do know is that this book made an enormous difference in my
life, and if it helps even 1 other person love it helped me, then it'll are worthwhile
telling you about it.
Communication Makes
It All Work.
This last point is
really the BIG ONE (!) that can make or break a relationship.
You see, without open
and honest communication between 2 people in a relationship, the chances of
that relationship lasting and both people being happy and fulfilled in it is a
big FAT ZERO!!!
The real challenge is
that communication isn't easy for a few people. They don’t like discussing
their feelings and thoughts, especially if they feel those topics will mention
strong emotional feelings of pain or discomfort for them.
Even though I consider
myself an honest communicator, I even have also learned to my detriment that I
needed some more work there in past relationships. One of my personal
weaknesses is a strong dislike of confrontation and telling my partner when I
am not happy about something they have said or done. There’s a hidden
psychological reason for why I act this way (something I have identified), but
at the end of the day, it gets in the road of a powerful self-expressed relationship.
Every single person out
there was an issue (or more than one) hidden below the surface, and until we
can identify that issue, we can’t deal with it. However, if this issue causes the problem within a relationship, then you will need to learn to communicate with
your partner in an open and honest manner, in order to help them understand why
you say and do the things you do.
Understanding the
difficulty is that the initiative of handling these hidden problems, which comes
from communication between two people. If one partner is not open to
communication, you’ll eventually find the relationship will not work, so choose
carefully when it comes to picking your dream partner. An open honest
communicator is far more important than somebody who looks good or is rich,
etc.
Get help if you have
problems with communication. There are plenty of great resources available, in
book, tape, seminar, therapy and on the Internet. Just remember that regardless
of how strong the pain is, it'll be far worse if you don’t affect the
difficulty at the foundation of this, which would require you to be an
excellent communicator (luckily, this is often a learned skill and anyone can
learn it!
If I miss out some points, you can suggest me in the comment
box.
If you find this article helpful, then don’t forget to like
and share.!!!
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